Lettuce eat more...

Because life's too short for shit salads

For years, vegans have endured phrases like ‘rabbit food’ thrown at them, when oh-so-witty carnists consider a life without meat. I’d immediately argue that you don’t see many sick rabbits, and they are also known for their rampant sex drive, immortalised in several cultures as symbols of fertility. Surely that’s based on diet, at least to some extent? :-)

So, yes, rabbit food - leaves and stuff - in my book, is fantastic to eat.

We’re told to ‘eat the rainbow’ and now, governments suggest it’s eight a day, not five portions of fruit and veg a day - and the easiest way to achieve this? Simply by going vegan.

Poor old ‘salad’ has a bad rap, (or a bad rep?), but certainly in the UK, this reputation is borne of a couple of things - one, a lack of culinary imagination, and two, restaurants, cafes and pubs serving up limp lettuce, microtome slices of cucumber and a tasteless quarter of a sad, dull, forced tomato.

They’ve set a benchmark as low as Liz Truss’s government. It’s time, dear reader, for me to share some of my salad building tips, which will leave you full, wowed and nutritionally satisfied. I hope.

You might not become as rampant as a young rabbit, but future you, the animals and the planet will thank you for becoming a dedicated salad muncher.

There’s the vegan food pyramid, above, designed by good people who feel we should be told what to eat. It basically comprises Vegetables, Fruits, Grains, Legumes, (beans, peas and lentils) and Nuts and Seeds.

So if you take this as your fundamental eating framework, it follows that a salad is an easy win.

The Salad Formula

Let’s get mathsy, if that’s a word, just for fun, because I hate maths - I’m terrible at the most basic elements.

Here, the formula involves vegetables (V), fruits (F), grains (G), legumes (L), and nuts and seeds (N). S stands for Salad. With me so far?

The formula:

S=aV+bF+cG+dL+eN

• a = proportion of vegetables in the salad

• b = proportion of fruits

• c = proportion of grains

• d = proportion of legumes

• e = proportion of nuts and seeds

Assuming we want the salad to be made up of:

• 40% vegetables

• 20% fruits

• 15% grains

• 15% legumes

• 10% nuts and seeds

The formula would look like: S = 0.4V+ 0.2F + 0.15G + 0.15L + 0.1N = HB (Happy Belly)

This formula allows you to adjust the proportions based on your preferences or dietary requirements. Simply modify the coefficients a, b, c, d, and e to reflect the desired proportions for each component in the salad.

F++k the Formula

Or, forget all that, and do what I do - throw everything that’s good, that’s in your fridge, or that you fancy, into a bowl and eat.

You see, to me, a good salad shouldn’t follow a recipe, dear reader. Nor any complex mathematical formula. The only thing it needs is a bit of prep, a bit of thought, and a bit of love. I always try to include spicy, chewy, crunchy and salty elements, but you might like a salad composed entirely of lettuce and banana. The important thing is to freestyle it, but just be mindful of balance, nutrition and taste.

Dressings

I used to always say salad dressings were the devil’s work - adding a pile of oily, creamy gloop to a beautiful salad seems a terrible thing to do, in my humble opinion.

But sometimes, a good dressing just elevates everything. My concern is not to mindlessly add a cup of oil, adding 1000 calories to an otherwise innocently-low-in-calories-and-fat meal.

I do, however, like a splash of apple cider/ white or red wine vinegar, a glug of soy or even some lovely spicy sambal oelek mixed with a dash of water…but I reckon a good salad, made with the freshest ingredients you can lay your hungry paws on, lets the natural flavours sing.

Don’t fall for ready made dressings. Another modern scam. A good dressing is so easy to make at home, and you can also ensure there’s no junk in it. If I were to include a recipe for a decent salad dressing, however, it would probably be this one.

Me being me, I’d probably leave out the maple syrup, and replace the oil with water, though. (And the recipe’s pleading sub-heading “So goood, it’s drinkable!” made me retch.) I suppose that makes it a completely different dressing, which probably doesn’t taste anywhere near as good as the original, but that’s the way I roll. Or at least, blend.

Why did the tomato blush? Because they saw the salad dressing.

Inspiration - and a kind of recipe

If you are suffering from lacklustre salads, maybe take a look at Ottolenghi for inspiration, the extraordinary chef who creates beautiful looking salads every day in his restaurants, but sells them for astronomical prices, IMHO. You might also check out the legendary Alice Waters, or Thomas Keller.

My salad-building plan is always simple - to routle around in the darkest recesses of the fridge, and see what lurks. So here goes:

A base: All good salads need some sort of base. I’ll generally start with a grain, a mix of leaves, or rice. Remember, lettuce is a bit nutritionally rubbish, but good when mixed up with, say, spinach, kale or chopped cauliflower. For salad purposes, if you choose rice, go for a brown or black variety, for a nuttier, stronger taste, and more health benefits.

Layers: While your grains/ rice are cooking (unless you found fridge-back leftovers), chop up some veg - cauli, broccoli, peppers, onions, spring onions - all are good.

Often I’ll roast veg, or have some leftover in the fridge - I love big moons of sweet roasted onions and large chunks of darkly roasted peppers in a salad.

Of course, you could just go down the ‘jar of antipasto’ route, but I’m all about that home cooking, money saving thang.

Textures and treats: So you’ve got your base in the bowl, and you’ve added some raw and/or cooked veg, now it’s time to add some texture, some surprises and some crunch.

One thing I like doing lately is to finely chop (ok, I use the food processor) olives, onion, tomato, cucumber, a few pickles, sun dried tomato, lemon juice and a dash of vinegar, to make a sort of a salsa, I suppose. Add a generous spoonful of this to your bowl.

For crunch, I look to add nuts and seeds, but also a bit of stale sourdough sprayed with oil, sprinkled with herbs or spieces of your choice and airfried for 5-10 minutes makes great croutons. Crackers or tortilla chips work well, too. I love those fake soy bacon bits you can get, but they’re probably the most UPF thing on the planet, and they give me terrible indigestion.

To make it more satisfying, or hearty, you can add cubes of baked sweet potato or pumpkin, but I like to add some tofu, seitan or whatever my most recent leftover attempt at creating a fake meat is…last week’s aubergine parmesan leftovers worked a treat atop a salad.

Adding in things like beetroot, sliced avocado, sweet red drop peppers, (the ones in a jar), chickpeas, capers, a cup of sweetcorn, fresh peas, mange tout, or chunks of vegan feta add texture, variety and a nice suprise.

Fresh herbs are a bonus, even though my partner has an aversion to coriander, and doesn’t like too much parsley. But I recommend a generous handful of mixed basil, mint and parsley on a salad, again, more to give your mouth a surprise in every other mouthful than for any massive nutritional benefit.

Kimchi, pickles or something from a jar like a chutney is a real treat on a salad, according to me.

Get fruity

I mean, Freud would have a field day…

I’m actually not a huge fan of fruit in salad, but tiny pieces of really juicy orange, apple or watermelon work in certain salad mixes. I’m more a fan of the Middle Eastern approach - a handful of pomegranate seeds, a few pieces of date or chopped dried apricots can be an awesome addition. And figs or pears, sliced, warmed and topping a salad can add a bit of magic.

What you have probably realised is that my salads aren’t hard work. They’re simple, easy and fresh, like 18-year-old me in a nightclub. I hope you’ve got some inspiration from reading this.

One final point - an amazing salad can have only two or three ingredients. You don’t have to go wild, I just like creating massive, varied salads that last for days…

So, people, share your salads, I want to see crazy, weird, fantastic, surreal. Let’s show the ‘salad never fills me up’ brigade what eating the rainbow looks like!

Bonus salad recipes: Not Strange at all salad Nope, not strange enough Not strange, just shit

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Stuff You Should Know - And Care About

Climate Change is Changing Time

You couldn’t make this stuff up. Apparently, the melting polar ice caps are causing the middle of the planet to bulge more, slowing the rate at which Earth rotates, which will make each day a bit longer!

The changes are small — a matter of milliseconds a day — but in our high-tech, hyperconnected world, the changes do impact computing systems we have come to rely on, including GPS.

It’s yet another sign of the huge impact humans are having on the planet. “This is a testament to the gravity of ongoing climate change,” said Surendra Adhikari, a geophysicist at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory, and a report author.

‘Dog Roast’ confuses Henley toffs

Chicklingtons and mooses? Bit weird!

I did enjoy this. Viva, the vegan charity, created a fake silicon ‘dog roast’ at Henley Regatta, in a bid to 'challenge the perception that it’s socially acceptable to eat some animals but not others'.

Visitors to the annual rowing gala - where 300,000 people midlessly eat things like ‘hot dogs’ and ‘hog roast’ - were shocked and appalled at the idea of eating dog - which, of course, wasn’t real!

Cultivated Meat For Pets Approved In The UK

More about dogs - the UK is the first country to approve ‘cultivated’ meat for use in companion animal food. Lab-grown meat produced by the imaginatively named ‘Meatly’ has been approved by the UK for feeding to pets.

I’ve got reservations about lab-grown meat, which is produced by extracting cells from a living animal, egg, feather, or similar, and then ‘growing’ meat-like cells in a solution containing nutrients like amino acids, sugars and vitamins.

As Plant-based News explains: “Over time, the cells multiply and turn into muscle tissue, which can be harvested and processed into a meat product. As cultivated meat is real meat, and often requires the use of an animal and animal products in its production, it is not considered vegan. Many vegans, however, support the industry as a possible route out of traditional animal agriculture.” So a step in the right direction at least?

Cause of the Week

This Dove is nothing to do with peace - stop Dove products turning into toxic pollution

Straight from Greenpeace - Plastic landfill fires are raging across the Philippines, releasing a cocktail of deadly chemicals into communities.

Children are struggling to breathe. People are confined to their homes, unable to escape the toxic fumes. And it's not just there – this crisis is unfolding across the Global South, in communities least equipped to deal with it.

This isn't just pollution – it's a health emergency. Do you know who's fuelling these fires? Beauty giants like Dove, with their endless stream of plastic sachets and bottles, now burning near people’s homes.

Sign the petition, HERE, which will go straight to Dove, and force the chief execs to publicly address their plastic problem and make real changes to their packaging.

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Dear reader, thanks for reading - please share this newsletter far and wide - and thanks, as ever, for your love and support

Sunshine and strawberries,

Will