From isicia omentata to values-based bio-personalised burgers
Because putting patties between buns is peak humaning
A really catchy title, right? Hah.
This week’s newsletter explores the murky origins of the burger. Traditionally, a bit of meat between some sort of sliced bread roll. It’s become ubiquitous in so many places, with most cultures having some variation of meaty sandwich at least akin to a burger. Note: Scroll down for some creative, globally-inspired burger recipes.
And the origins of the hamburger, while firmly rooted in modern American history, are as contested as which nation makes the best hummous or which area of Japan makes the best miso.
While this writer doesn’t dispute someone in the late 1800s or early 1900s decided it was a Very. Good. Thing. to put some mushed up meat into a bread roll, we can go back through the mists of time to really work out the history of eating stuff between bread. And while that history is inevitably meaty, today, we have myriad offerings that are plant-based, and in my opinion infinitely better than a bit of ground pheasant, stale bread and myrtle berry. [That’s your average isicia omentata, by the way, see below]
In Jesus’ time, around 4 BCE to 30/33 CE, people ate a lot of bread, most likely made of barley, with meat being mostly reserved for holidays and festivals. So there wasn’t a Bethlehem Burger van or Galilee Gyros or anything like that, but the idea of a bit of bread served alongside your meat stew was clearly already emerging.
And let’s not forget that wine was generally safer to drink at the time than water. So, considering everyone was possibly perma-drunk, you’d think they would be slapping meat between bits of bread left right and centre, just like we see today near any bar shortly after closing time.
Fund my dirty burger habit…
I work quite hard, for an intrinsically lazy person, on this newlsetter, but in the spirit of helping everyone eat good plant-based food, I don’t want to stop you from reading it by having to pay lots of money. However, if you’ve read it, enjoyed it, or are just having one of those days where you think, “I’m feeling good and generous, today”, then you can buy me a virtual coffee over on ko-fi, here. Thanks!
In ancient Mesopotamia, Egypt, and the Levant, records reveal that people ate roasted meats, often served with flatbreads akin to pita or taboon bread.
We don’t have any records of "wraps" as we know them today, but people likely used bread as a scoop or utensil, placing small amounts of meat or stew onto it. We’re genetically pre-programmed, it seems, to scoof up food with bread.
Mmmmm…meatballs made with sour ingredients, stale bread and whole peppercorns, wrapped in an animals’ intestinal membrane - alll the rage in the year 350.
The isicia omentata mentioned in this newsletter title isn’t a rare medical condition, rather it’s a dish documented in an early book from 4th century Roman times describing a meatball, wrapped in the fat membrane from the internal organs of various animals, (tasty, not) which was *probably* served, at least, with bread. So you could easily argue the burger, in some form or another, has pretty much been around since the dawn of ‘civilised’ society.
Fast forward a bit, and it’s time, dear reader, for you to discover how Mongolians ate meat that was gently cooked throughout the day due to a combination of horse and human arse sweat.
That’s right, the (arguable) precursor to steak tartare developed because the famed Mongol warriors - who often slept on their horses, while still moving - kept slices of raw meat under their saddles. The innovative Mongol saddle itself wasn't designed to store meat, but they made clever use of their horse tack and gear to transport and preserve food, including meat.
The heat of the horse and the constant pressure from those bony warrior arses would tenderise the meat over time. By evening, the meat would be flattened, softened, and partially cured - ready to eat, often raw or lightly cooked. This bum-sweat cooking method is thought to be an origin myth for steak tartare, as spread by European chroniclers who encountered Mongol or Turkic practices.
Medieval Islamic World (8th–13th centuries CE): The Birth of Kebab Culture
Medieval peasants actually preferred eating mud over burgers, history doesn’t show
The term “kebab” (from the Arabic كباب) appears in Middle Eastern texts by the 9th century, referring to grilled or roasted meats, often skewered. Turkish soldiers are thought to have grilled meat on their swords over campfires, like terrifying döner kebab shop owners.
Bread was widely used to accompany or wrap grilled meats, especially in nomadic and urban cultures across the Islamic world.
Shawarma, döner kebab, and gyros all come from the same origin: stacked, marinated meat cooked on a vertical spit, shaved off into thin slices. The technique is believed to have developed in Ottoman Turkey in the mid-19th century as “çevirme” or “döner”, meaning "turning."
Shawarma spread across the Arab world from the Levant, while gyros became popular in Greece, and döner was exported to Europe (especially Germany) by Turkish immigrants in the 20th century. Those German kebab stores, then, just nicked the recipe from Turkiye.
The hamburger, as we know it today - a seasoned ground beef patty served in a bun with condiments - has deep roots in American culinary innovation. However, its origins are clearly influenced by various international dishes and practices.
One of the earliest precursors to the modern hamburger is the Hamburg steak, a minced beef dish popularised in (Hamburg) Germany. German immigrants brought this dish to the United States in the 19th century, where it evolved into the hamburger.
Another influence is steak tartare, a dish of seasoned raw ground beef, which has roots in Eastern Europe and was introduced to Western Europe through various cultural exchanges.
While these international dishes clearly laid the groundwork, the hamburger's transformation into a sandwich served in a bun is credited to America in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Various claims exist regarding its invention, with notable ones including Louis Lassen of New Haven, Connecticut, who is said to have served the first hamburger sandwich in 1900.
The birth of the burger
Frank Menches’ disappointment at his brother’s first burger attempt was palpable
The Menches Brothers – Ohio (1885)
Frank and Charles Menches claim they ran out of pork sausages at a county fair and substituted ground beef, calling it a “hamburger” after the seasoned Hamburg steak brought over to the US by German immigrants. Their story is widely circulated, though not universally agreed upon.
"Hamburger Charlie" Nagreen – Wisconsin (1885)
At the same time as the Menches, Charlie Nagreen supposedly sold meatballs flattened between two slices of bread at a fair, coining the term hamburger to honour the German city of Hamburg.
Louis' Lunch – New Haven, Connecticut (1900)
Often considered the official birthplace of the hamburger by the Library of Congress, Louis Lassen, owner of Louis' Lunch, is said to have put ground beef trimmings between two slices of bread for a hurried customer in 1900. They still serve burgers today on toast, not buns, and insist they created the first one. I’ve made a few veggie burgers served between toast, and it’s just not the same. Horrible idea.
White Castle – Wichita, Kansas (1921)
While they didn’t invent the burger, White Castle is credited with being the first fast-food hamburger chain, introducing the idea of standardised, small, affordable burgers served quickly. This model directly inspired later giants like McDonald’s.
McDonald’s – California (1948)
While the McDonald brothers didn’t invent the burger, they certainly revolutionised it with the Speedee Service System in 1948, creating the template for modern fast food. Ray Kroc then turned that into a global empire.
So who really "created" the McDonald's-style burger?
It’s fair to say McDonald’s perfected and popularised it, but the core concept predates them by several decades. If you're looking for the first fast food-style burger, White Castle and McDonald’s share the credit for shaping the modern burger experience.
Future burgers
The future of burgers is sizzling with innovation, ethics, and unexpected ingredients. As consumer values shift and technology advances, I believe that the humble burger - once a symbol of fast, greasy indulgence - is being reimagined for a more sustainable, personalised, and even space-bound world.
In the coming decades, plant-based and cultured meat burgers are poised to dominate menus. Companies like Beyond Meat and Impossible Foods have already disrupted the market, but the next wave is likely to be more nuanced: perhaps lab-grown meat that replicates the texture and flavour of beef without the animal, and fermentation-based proteins from fungi or precision-engineered microbes. These burgers promise massive reductions in land use, water consumption, and greenhouse gas emissions compared to traditional livestock farming.
Alongside sustainability, health-focused innovation is shaping the burger of the future. Expect ‘bio-personalised patties’, engineered with tailored nutrients based on your microbiome or genetics, and enriched with functional ingredients like nootropics, adaptogens, or omega-3s from algae. The bun may be keto-friendly, gluten-free, or made from upcycled food waste. AI might even help you design your perfect burger profile at self-order kiosks.
I’m doing a sponsored walk throughout May to raise vital funds for Dementia UK, which really helps those with Alzheimer’s and their carers. Both my parents had this terrible condition, and I saw them go from lovely, lively, vibrant people to scared, lost and hollow husks of their former selves. Please consider sponsoring me here, you lovely person you.
Culturally, it’s good to see that the burger is shedding its Western identity. We’re already seeing fusion burgers blending global culinary traditions: kimchi and gochujang-laced patties, jackfruit banh mi burgers, or tandoori chickpea sliders. In future, burgers may be less about “meat substitute” and more about “food adventure.”
And then there’s the bizarre but plausible: 3D-printed burgers, insect-protein burgers, and burgers made for space missions: nutrient-dense, shelf-stable, and grown in zero-gravity environments.
In short, the burger's future is less about beef, and more about values: sustainability, health, cultural diversity, and delicious creativity. It may no longer be just a fast food staple, rather a fast-evolving icon of how we choose to eat, live, and innovate.
Recipes
Isicia Omentata-inspired burgers
This is a burger that could have existed - and now does. I’ve taken elements of the original recipe, and veganised it. Also, made it easier on the ingredients. It’s hard to find a myrtle berry, and garum, (the ubiquitous Greco/Roman fermented fish sauce which was included in everything), isn’t widely available, nor vegan. If you wanted to add extra authenticity to this hideously inauthentic adaptation, you could add a dash of vegan fish sauce.
The traditional Roman recipe for this might not sit well with modern tastes, but I’ve tried to stay true to the combo of bitter/sour and sweet so beloved of Romans. Try not to spill it on your toga.
Ingredients (makes 4 patties):
1 cup cooked green lentils (soft but textured)
½ cup cooked bulgur or millet
2 slices day-old white bread, crusts removed, torn into small pieces
3–4 tbsp dry red wine, for soaking bread
¼ cup ground walnuts or pine nuts
1 tbsp white miso or tamari (for fermented umami depth)
1½ tsp coarsely crushed black pepper (not finely ground – you want texture without the bite of whole peppercorns)
1 tsp ground coriander
1 tsp dried thyme or oregano
Zest of ½ lemon
1 tsp olive oil
Salt to taste
Optional: 1 tsp date syrup or pomegranate molasses for a Roman-style sweet-savoury note
Preparation:
Soak the bread crumb (crusts removed) in red wine until soft, then mash lightly with a fork.
In a bowl, lightly mash the lentils to a chunky consistency.
Add the soaked bread, cooked grain, ground nuts, miso/tamari, herbs, crushed black pepper, lemon zest, olive oil, and any optional sweetener.
Mix thoroughly until the mixture holds together well. Chill for 20–30 minutes.
Form into four patties and pan-fry low and slow in olive oil for 3–4 minutes per side, until golden and crisp.
Serving suggestion: Serve in grilled flatbread with rocket, olives, and a drizzle of herbed olive oil. A few grapes or fig slices on the side wouldn’t go amiss.
Optional Roman Touches:
Add a smear of date syrup + vinegar glaze for that sweet-sour Roman flavour balance.
Serve with a side of figs or grapes, as Romans loved sweet/savoury combos.
Iron a white sheet and waer it like a toga while eating your Isicia Omentata.
The perfect burger?
What the actual patty is made of is entirely up to you. I grew up on cheap frozen burgers, evolved into mixing packets of dried stuff (Burgamix or Sosmix, I think) into burgers, and today have access to a ridiculous number of plant-based patties, which now outnumber the meat ones (hurrah!)..
But just as important as ensuring the patty is right for your mood and tastes, I think the build is crucial.
So here’s my recipe for a perfect burger. I ate this last night, but forgot to take picture.
Ingredients:
Good - and large - vegan bread rolls/ burger buns. Ideally vegan brioche, IMHO.
A beef tomato, sliced and salted. You can grill/ fry it if you like, you sick puppy, you
1 onion, to caramelise
3-4 rings of raw onion
Your favourite mustard, pickle or burger sauce, or all three*
Fresh crisp iceberg lettuce
Pickles of choice
Cheese — not 100% necessary, as I’ve yet to discover a good enough vegan cheesy cheese.
Vegan butter or spray oil
*Quick Burger sauce recipe:
Tomato ketchup, hot sauce of your choice, soy sauce, garlic. Mix, and spread on your burger bun
Preparation:
Assemble all your ingredients.
Finely slice and start gently frying the onion, in a little oil, until it’s really brown and caramelised. This can take 45 minutes, so get a move on.
While your onions are doing, you can also cook the burgers. My current favoured method is air frying with a little spray of oil, but use your own fave way.
As the onions and burgers are cooking, slice your rolls/ buns and toast them. If you’re feeling indulgent, do them in a little vegan butter or oil in a pan. My favourite way is to grill/broil them in the oven, sprayed with oil or buttered before cooking. You only want to heat/char the insides — so only grill/ pan fry them on one side.
Finely chop your iceberg lettuce, wash it, salyt and leave it in a sieve or colander while you do everything else. Last night I added thinly sliced white cabbage for a bit of extra crunch.
Slice your beef/ big tomato into thick slices — you only need one or two per burger, salt the slices, and leave them to one side for a bit.
Check the quality of your (sliced) pickles by tasting one or three. Then slice a couple (if they’re not already sliced) and put aside.
Take your grilled rolls/buns and spread each side of them with a generous amount of pickle/chutney, mustard and/or burger sauce of choice.
Place some of the shredded lettuce on the bun next.
Then, add the burger
Next, add the sliced tomato and top that with your caramelised onions
Top it all with a slice of cheese, or grated cheese, and as many pickle slices as you like.
Lid it, and eat it.
Best served with fries or homestyle potatoes.
If you’re wondering what burger to eat, here’s my whirlwind world tour through the lens of burgers…
Rice & Veggie Burger (Crisp-edged, no fall-apart)
I’ve battled in the kitchen for years to create a simple, tasty burger from rice and veggies. They look great raw, and then collapse on cooking. And that breaks my heart. Over the years, I’ve learnt to use short-grain (sticky) rice, cooked and cooled, to add oat flour or ground oats for binding, (and the flax seed ‘flegg’), to ensure your veggies are thoroughly cooked to reduce moisture, and to always chill - or maybe even freeze - your patties before attempting to cook them. And low and slow is always the answer. A good burger is worth the wait, right? And this recipe, of course, is infinitely customisable to your tastes and whims. Just don’t slip one under a horse saddle, that’ll be a mess, not to mention cruel.
Ingredients (makes 4 burgers):
1 cup cooked short-grain brown rice (cooled)
½ cup grated carrot (squeezed dry — best to put your grated carrots into a tea towel, scrunch it up as tight as you can into a ball, and then squeeeeeze it like you mean it)
½ cup finely chopped mushrooms, sautéed until dry
½ small onion, finely chopped and sautéed
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tbsp soy sauce or tamari
1 tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp cumin
¼ tsp black pepper
½ cup oat flour (or ground oats)
2 tbsp ground flaxseed + 5 tbsp water (mix and rest for 5 min)
Preparation:
In a large bowl, combine rice, sautéed veg, spices, soy sauce, and flax mixture.
Stir in oat flour until you get a sticky but firm dough.
Form into patties, press firmly, and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.
Pan-fry in oil over medium heat 4–5 min per side until crisp and golden.
Flavour Tip: Add a spoon of tomato or miso paste for umami depth.
Beyond-Style VWG Burger (Chewy, meaty, high protein)
This recipe is the basic go to recipe for a more meaty style burger. Of course, you cna add hints of flavour to your heart’s content. Key to a good structure is to use VWG as the main base, add pureed beans or beetroot for moisture, and always steam the burgers before frying to lock them in.
Ingredients (makes 3–4 patties):
¾ cup vital wheat gluten
¼ cup cooked black beans or lentils, mashed
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tsp marmite or miso paste
1 tbsp beetroot purée (for colour and moisture)
1 tbsp nutritional yeast
1 tsp smoked paprika
½ tsp onion powder
½ tsp garlic powder
½ tsp ground coriander
¼ tsp ground black pepper
5–6 tbsp water (enough to bring it together into a dough)
Preparation:
Mix all dry ingredients. In a separate bowl, mix the wet ingredients.
Combine wet and dry, knead lightly for 1–2 minutes until the dough is elastic but not tough.
Divide and shape into burger patties.
Steam the patties for 25–30 minutes (in foil or parchment in a steamer).
Let cool, then pan-fry or grill with a brush of oil for crisp edges.
Flavour Tip: Add a touch of ground coffee for a charred, beefy note.
Burmese-Style Vegan Tea Leaf Burger
with pickled shallots and tamarind aioli
This more unusual burger offers crunchy edges, creamy richness, and a vibrant, tangy finish. It’s funky, layered, and deeply satisfying - unlike any vegan burger you’ve had before! It tastes slightly bitter – with a mix of fermented tea, toasted nuts, lime, and tamarind. And Burmese fermented tea salad (Lahpet Thoke) is one of my favourite dishes. Hence the burger.
Ingredients (Makes 4 burgers):
¾ cup cooked chickpeas (mashed)
½ cup cooked rice (short grain, cooled)
½ cup finely shredded cabbage
2 tbsp fermented tea leaves* or strong brewed green tea leaves (see below)
2 tbsp toasted sesame seeds
2 tbsp crushed roasted peanuts
1 tbsp fermented black bean paste or miso
2 tsp lime juice
1 garlic clove, minced
½ tsp turmeric
¼ tsp chilli flakes or Burmese red chilli powder
Salt and pepper to taste
3 tbsp rice flour or chickpea flour (for binding)
2 tbsp neutral oil (for pan-frying)
Pickled Shallots (optional, but worth it):
1 shallot, thinly sliced
2 tbsp rice vinegar
½ tsp sugar
Pinch of salt
Tamarind Aioli:
2 tbsp vegan mayo
1 tsp tamarind paste
½ tsp maple syrup or jaggery
Pinch of salt
Preparation:
If you don't have access to Burmese lahpet (fermented tea leaves), just soak 2 tbsp of strong green tea leaves in hot water, drain, then mash with a little lime juice, salt, and a drop of oil. Let sit for 15–30 minutes.
In a large bowl, mix mashed chickpeas, rice, cabbage, fermented tea, sesame, peanuts, lime, garlic, black bean paste, and spices. Add flour gradually to help it bind. It should be moist but shapeable.
Form into 4 patties. Chill for 20–30 minutes for best frying texture.
Heat oil in a non-stick pan over medium heat. Fry patties 4–5 minutes on each side until crispy and golden.
Quick-pickle shallots: While the patties chill or fry, soak shallots in vinegar, sugar, and salt for at least 10–15 minutes.
Mix tamarind aioli: Stir all ingredients together until smooth and tangy.
Assembly suggestions: Serve in a toasted bun or flatbread with a spoonful of tamarind aioli, pickled shallots, sliced tomato and fresh coriander or mint. Optional: shredded raw cabbage or lettuce for crunch
Thai Red Curry Vegan Burger
With lemongrass, kaffir lime, red curry paste and coconut, this hearty burger takes me striahgt back to Thailand. Think of it like a Thai-inspired Beyond-style burger.
Ingredients (Makes 4–5 burgers):
½ cup canned chickpeas (mashed)
½ cup extra-firm tofu, crumbled
¾ cup vital wheat gluten
2 tbsp red Thai curry paste (or green, or yellow - make sure it’s the vegan version!)
2 tsp soy sauce or tamari
1 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp coconut milk (or cream from the top of the can)
2 tsp fresh grated ginger
1 tsp lemongrass paste or 1 tbsp finely minced lemongrass
Zest of 1 lime
2 kaffir lime leaves, finely shredded (optional but ideal)
½ tsp garlic powder
¼ tsp white pepper
2 tbsp rice flour or breadcrumbs (optional, for added texture)
Oil for frying
Optional add-ons for assembly:
Pickled cucumber ribbons
Sriracha vegan mayo or peanut satay sauce
Fresh Thai basil or coriander
Red onion slices
Lettuce or crunchy slaw
Toasted burger bun or bao-style steamed bun
Preparation:
In a bowl, mix mashed chickpeas, tofu, curry paste, soy sauce, tomato paste, coconut milk, ginger, lemongrass, lime zest, and shredded kaffir lime leaves.
Add the vital wheat gluten, garlic powder, pepper, and rice flour (if using). Mix and knead just for 1–2 minutes until the dough comes together. Don’t overwork or it’ll get rubbery.
Divide into 4 or 5 patties. Wrap loosely in foil or parchment. Steam for 25–30 minutes to firm them up.
Let the patties cool slightly (or chill for later). Pan-fry in a little oil for 3–4 minutes per side until golden and crisp.
Want more Thai flavour? Try serving with satay peanut sauce as your spread, a spoon of green papaya slaw on top, or a drizzle of lime juice and chopped peanuts for crunch
Vegan Texas BBQ Burger
Smoky, meaty, messy, and absolutely satisfying
Ingredients (Makes 4–5 patties):
¾ cup vital wheat gluten
½ cup canned black beans, mashed
½ cup grated beetroot (for juiciness and colour)
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp vegan Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp liquid smoke
1 tbsp smoked paprika
½ tsp onion powder
½ tsp garlic powder
½ tsp black pepper
1 tsp maple syrup or brown sugar
¼ cup water or strong brewed coffee (deepens flavour)
BBQ Glaze (optional, but perfect)
¼ cup tomato ketchup
1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
1 tbsp maple syrup or molasses
1 tsp mustard
1 tsp bourbon (optional, but highly recommended)
1 tsp smoked paprika
Salt & pepper to taste
(Mix and simmer over low heat for 5–10 minutes until thick).
Optional Toppings: Crispy fried onions; slaw with mustard dressing; pickles or grilled jalapeños; extra BBQ sauce for drizzling.
Preparation:
In a bowl, mix mashed beans, beetroot, tomato paste, soy sauce, Worcestershire, liquid smoke, maple syrup, and water/coffee.
Stir in vital wheat gluten, smoked paprika, garlic and onion powders, and pepper. Mix until dough forms. Knead gently for 1–2 minutes (no more, or it gets rubbery).
Divide into 4–5 patties. Wrap in parchment or foil and steam for 25–30 minutes until firm.
Once cooled slightly, brush with BBQ glaze and fry or grill on medium-high heat for 3–4 minutes per side, brushing more glaze as you go for that sticky, charred finish.
Toast your buns. Layer with slaw, pickles, patty, crispy onions, and a final hit of BBQ sauce.
Bonus Tips: Add a dash of bourbon to the glaze for true Texas BBQ flair. For extra chew, chill the patties overnight before grilling. Want heat? Add chipotle in adobo, or a generous splash of hot sauce to the glaze or the mix.
Peruvian-Inspired Vegan Burger
Smoky, citrusy, creamy - a celebration of Peruvian street food in burger form
Ingredients (Makes 4 burgers):
¾ cup cooked black beans (mashed)
½ cup cooked quinoa
½ cup cooked sweet potato (mashed, no skin)
¼ cup finely grated carrot or beetroot
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp apple cider vinegar or red wine vinegar
1 tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp ground cumin
½ tsp ground coriander
2 cloves garlic, minced
Salt and pepper to taste
½ cup oat flour or fine breadcrumbs
2 tbsp chopped coriander
1 tbsp olive oil (for frying)
Ají Amarillo Aioli:
2 tbsp vegan mayo
1 tbsp ají amarillo paste (or swap for mild yellow chilli paste)
1 tsp lime juice
Pinch of salt
Salsa Criolla (Quick-Pickled Onions):
½ red onion, thinly sliced
Juice of 1 lime
Pinch of salt
Pinch of sugar
Fresh chopped coriander (optional)
Let sit for 15–30 minutes.
Preparation:
In a large bowl, combine mashed beans, quinoa, sweet potato, tomato paste, vinegar, soy sauce, garlic, spices, and grated veg. Stir in flour/breadcrumbs and coriander. Mix until cohesive — not too wet.
Shape into 4 firm patties. Chill for 20 minutes if time allows.
Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat. Cook patties for 4–5 minutes per side until golden and firm.
Make aioli: Stir together all ingredients until creamy and golden.
Assemble: Toasted bun, slather of ají amarillo aioli, burger, spoonful of salsa criolla, avocado slices or lettuce, more aioli on the top bun.
Optional add-ons: A spoon of vegan queso fresco or almond feta; grilled corn relish or charred green pepper strips
Flavour Tip: For more smoky depth, add a dash of liquid smoke or char the sweet potato before mashing.
Ethiopian-inspired burger
Bold, spiced, and rooted in tradition – with berbere, lentils, and teff.
Ingredients (Makes 4 patties)
1 cup cooked green or brown lentils (well-drained)
½ cup cooked teff (or cooked bulgur or quinoa if teff is unavailable)
½ small red onion, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp lemon juice
1 tbsp ground toasted walnuts (or sunflower seeds)
1 tbsp olive oil
2 tsp berbere spice mix (adjust to heat tolerance)
½ tsp ground fenugreek (optional)
¼ tsp cinnamon
Salt to taste
⅓ cup chickpea flour or oat flour (for binding)
Tangy Azifa-style topping (optional):
½ cup cooked green lentils
Juice of 1 lemon
1 small shallot or red onion, finely minced
1 green chilli, finely chopped
2 tbsp chopped parsley or coriander
Salt to taste
Mix and chill.
Teff-inspired sauce or spread:
2 tbsp tahini
1 tbsp lemon juice
1 tsp maple syrup
Pinch of berbere
1–2 tbsp water to thin
Assembly ideas:
Toasted burger bun or mini injera rounds; shredded lettuce or spinach; sliced tomato or pickled beetroot; azifa lentil topping or tahini-berbere spice drizzle
Preparation:
Gently cook onions and garlic in olive oil until translucent. Add berbere spice and tomato paste; cook for 1 minute to bloom the spices.
In a large bowl, mash lentils slightly. Add teff, walnut meal, onion mixture, lemon juice, cinnamon, and fenugreek. Stir in chickpea flour until the mixture holds together.
Form into 4 patties. Chill for at least 30 minutes for best texture.
Heat a pan with a little oil and cook patties over medium heat for 4–5 minutes per side until browned and firm. Or bake at 190°C (375°F) for 25–30 minutes, flipping once.
Assemble: Layer bun or injera with the patty, azifa lentil topping, greens, and tahini-berbere sauce.
Tip: If you want a chewier, higher-protein version, substitute half the lentils with crumbled tempeh or add 2 tablespoons vital wheat gluten for added bite.
The Future Is Now Burger: “The BioBalance Burger”
A ‘bio-personalised’, (It isn’t actually personalised to you — but the addition of ingredients for gut health, mood and stress regulation etc, gives you the idea, right?) nutrient-dense, AI-optimised burger designed to adapt to your microbiome, mood, and metabolism—made with ethical, resilient ingredients and designed for both planetary and personal health. Phew. Note: Eat while wearing a space suit.
Ingredients:
½ cup fermented chickpea miso (protein + gut health)
½ cup tempeh, crumbled (fermented soy, for complete protein)
1 tbsp ground flaxseed (omega-3 + binder)
¼ cup spirulina-enhanced oat flour (sustainable algae + complex carbs)
2 tbsp lion’s mane mushroom powder (neuro-supportive adaptogen)
1 tsp smoked paprika (depth and umami)
½ tsp black garlic paste (antioxidant + umami bomb)
1 tsp seaweed flakes (iodine, minerals, umami)
Salt and cracked black pepper to taste
1 tbsp olive oil infused with turmeric (anti-inflammatory base)
Optional smart dust topper (sprinkled post-cook):
Vitamin B12, D3, and zinc, for example, tailored to your nutrition profile
Preparation:
In a bowl, mash the tempeh and fermented chickpea miso together until combined but textured.
Add flaxseed, oat flour, spirulina, spices, garlic paste, and seaweed flakes. Mix until a sticky, firm dough forms.
Let the mixture rest for 10 minutes to allow the flax and oat to bind.
Shape into patties and sear in turmeric-infused olive oil for 3–4 minutes per side until golden and crisp at the edges.
Sprinkle with your “smart dust” nutrient blend before serving.
Serve with a chickpea flatbread or carbon-negative bun (e.g., from regenerative pea protein flour)
AI-curated condiments based on your mood:
Feeling foggy? Ginger-lime aioli
Stressed? Ashwagandha tahini sauce
Low energy? Beet-cacao ketchup
This isn’t just a burger, it’s a data-informed, values-aligned, post-industrial meal experience. It could be printed by your home food printer or freshly mixed at a biokitchen pop-up in a future market. I’m not sure it would taste good, but it could be a fun kitchen experiment, right?